Moving On Moving Forward
by jensensgirl
Summary: SEQUEL TO HARD TO HOLD.  John tries to move forward after the death of his wife.  Cena, OCs, other assorted WWE personnel.
1. Chapter 1

SEQUEL TO HARD TO HOLD

CHAPTER ONE: LET ME LET GO

"It's been ten years, baby girl. Joe's a teenager now and a walking hormone. Amelia's ten and thinks she's 25. Her party is today and she planned the whole thing herself. I need to teach her what a budget means." John paused and smiled. "Sometimes I think you're in there somewhere when I look at her. She's incredibly smart and gifted and athletic and especially daring. She's you as a 10 year old, Carli. Joe's playing every sport he can in school and out. He's the star of the soccer team and football team and he's had scouts looking at him in baseball and wants to throw basketball in there. They both are in the advanced placement classes in school, I swear Carli, they definitely have your brains." John continued with his usual conversation and looked to the heavens. He waved and kissed the marble stone that he picked out special for her. He ran his fingers along the pink marble.

_Carolina Cena. Devoted Mother. Beloved wife. Dedicated friend._

John sat at his usual spot at Carli's grave. He still visited her at least once a month. He found it creepy to sit or stand directly in front so he sat to the side and leaned into the stone. He still wore his wedding ring, still considered himself married. Still spoke as if she were right next to him. "Joe's got girls calling the house already; I think he has three or four girlfriends. He's very polite and respectful, considerate and loving. Traits I know came from you. He takes care of Amelia and they have a special bond. He encourages her and he's her biggest supporter. If she has something going on at the same time he does he actually considers not going to his so he can be there for her. For a few years Ami would sleep in his room with him if she needed it. They would never share their secrets but I could tell Joe was her hero. He still is."

He finished talking to her and let a few tears escape as he smiled at the clouds. He could always feel her around him, something soothing, a calm of sorts. Little signs would appear and he knew it was Carli talking to him. Some wrote it off as coincidence, John just reaching for something not there. He knew. He felt in his heart she was communicating and letting him know she was near and okay.

John had made a successful transition into films and actually had to turn down work he had so many offers. He was a huge action star internationally and had won several awards. He always thanked Carli for encouraging him to follow his dreams. He'd worked with the best directors, producers and fellow actors the business had. He broke from the WWE five years ago and still had a good relationship with the company. He had to leave because he couldn't travel 300 days a year and be a good father. With films he could travel and take the kids with him in the summer and his mom and dad could help with them if he needed to be on location during the school year. He'd made a promise not to be away from them longer than 10 days.

His mother, Carolyn and his father, John had both moved to Tampa to help him. They'd divorced after 20 years of marriage but remained the best of friends. John had bought the property behind his, big enough for his own home and two guest houses. He couldn't bear to live somewhere else, the home he shared with Carli held too many memories. He knew his parents talked about him at night and when he traveled, worried about his inability to move forward with his heart, but in his mind, they just didn't understand.

You get one great love in your lifetime and he'd had his. Why was it so important to everyone that he find another woman? His friends had accepted his decision and no longer tried to set him up with friends of friends. His brothers gave up too but his parents still asked him. Why not an actress why not a model? The same questions whenever he'd return from a movie set or an awards show, or a party thrown for the launch of something. Sure, he'd had opportunities but he never acted on them, not one of them held a candle to Carli.

He felt it was disrespectful to her if he dated or used a woman for sex, besides, he'd spend the entire evening comparing them to her and talking about her anyway so what was the point. His own children had asked him about dating and he'd received the sympathetic look but they understood. Their mother was the light in their father's world; it would be hard to find another. It would be hard to follow a woman like Carli.

When John arrived home he found Joe playing video games and Amelia walking aimlessly around the house. He watched her and thought of his wife. She looked so much like her mother it was hard to believe they were two separate people. She rock climbed with her father, played soccer and softball, loved to ski but that was the extent of it. Even though she played sports, she hated being dirty and hated dirt. All of her things were meticulously organized and she knew where anything and everything was in the house at any given time. She was being groomed as an Olympic gymnast, an activity that seemed so natural for her. She took ballet, jazz and tap classes and John had applied for her to attend a performing arts high school. He found out you need to apply years in advance to be considered in a timely manner.

Ami was looking at all the pictures around the house of her mom. Her birthday was a joyous occasion but heartbreaking as well. Bittersweet as they say. Ami's birthday would always be the day her mother died. She went into her room and played on of the DVDs her mom had made. She played the one of her mom talking to her when she was pregnant. Ami sat on the floor in front of her TV and watched her mom sitting in the nursery in a chair, the chair Ami had in her room to this day. She was rubbing her tummy and reading a book.

John saw the tears stream down his baby girl's face as she silently watched her mom. Joe came to the door and joined his dad. They stood there for a few minutes looking at the TV too before Joe pulled his dad away. John followed his son to his room and they sat down on Joe's bed. "Dad, she's been doing this all day." Joe started. "She's been pulling out the albums, watching DVDs and looking at the pictures around the house." Joe paused for a moment before continuing. Talking about Carli was hard for all of them. They did it to help eachother cope; they shared things and asked John to talk about her so they'd never forget. He kept his wife's pictures around the house so they'd never forget her face. "She blames herself." Joe looked at the floor as his dad's jaw dropped. "She thinks if she had never been born mom would still be here for you and me."

"That's ridiculous, Joe. Your mom could have been taken from us at any time. God chose that day for a reason and it's not a bad one." John stood unable to express how he felt.

"You know that, but she doesn't. She may hear you say it, rationally think its true, but her heart breaks, dad. Mom's gone because of her. How can you tell her something else?" Joe had thought it as a child. If Ami weren't here he'd have his mom. He didn't mean it maliciously, just as a son missing his mom.

John walked out of his son's room and went to Ami's. Today he'd talk to her about her mom. Each birthday he'd shared a funny story, now maybe was the time to show her the journal Carli had kept during her pregnancy. He peeked in on his daughter who hadn't moved and then went to Carli's closet and got out the box. He'd saved everything in that box and now it was time. John opened it and felt his heart leap and then sink. Joes baby book, Ami's baby book, the journals she'd kept for them both while she was pregnant. Sonogram pictures, mementos, and scrapbooks she'd made. Memories, happy memories crushed him.

"I love you, daddy." Ami said from the door. John hadn't heard her until she spoke. He looked up and saw Carli's face. He let a few tears escape and Ami sat next to him on the bed. Joe came in also and sat on the other side of his dad.

"This box holds your mom's memories of the two of you." John pulled out the journal for Ami and looked at her. "Baby girl, your mom wrote in this journal when she was pregnant with you. I've never read it. I think we should read some today if that's alright with you." Ami hesitated and then shook her head. John opened it and flipped through, selecting a page at random.

_My dearest daughter, _

_I found out today you're a girl! Daddy doesn't know and I'm not sure if I'll tell him. Right now it's our little secret. You'll be here in two months and three days and I can't wait to meet you. I have so many dreams for you, but mostly I will encourage you to go your own way. You have a great daddy and he'll be so excited to see you._

_On a different note, I haven't been feeling well lately. The doctors know but I asked them not to tell your dad. You see, something is wrong with my heart. They put a band-aid on it, but that may not last forever. You are my present to your dad. You are a gift from God. A miracle. After your brother was born I wasn't supposed to have another child. 'Too much strain' they told me. I wanted you. I can only hope and pray I'll be here to see you grow up but if I'm not, please know you are a present from me to your dad._

John had to stop and collect himself. He was hearing these things for the first time. For ten years he'd thought she was fine until the day Amelia was born. For ten years he thought she'd been given a clean bill of health. He didn't know she had slowly been deteriorating. He looked at Joe who was shocked. He looked at Ami who was crying. He took a deep breath and continued. As he read, Ami moved over and sat next to her brother.

_Amelia will be your name. I've always loved that name. Of course I'll play the game of pretending to make a list of names and letting your father think he has a vote. I did the same thing with your brother._

_You are my greatest treasure, Amelia. My greatest accomplishment, my proudest moment. You and your brother are the best things that have ever happened to me. There are no words to describe how I feel as a mother. One day, when you become a mother, you'll understand. Here's your school lesson for today. A lion and a bear are just a few of the animals who protect their children with their lives. Alligators, elephants and a handful of others do the same. They attack anyone and anything that may even remotely bring harm to their children._

_That is how I feel about you. I risked my life, on purpose to bring you into this world. I will risk my life every day after that. Without question and without doubt. You are a rare and priceless treasure, the most magnificent being on Earth. Don't ever doubt that, my beautiful baby girl. Always know what you mean to me. Always know I would and will lay down my life for yours._

_Do not blame yourself, I do not. You are here because that's how much I love your dad. He was a gift to me and the only way I know to repay him is to give him two miracles. You and your brother. You are simply, in one word, glorious._

_I will love you until the end of time. Please know that. I tell you again, you are the greatest gift I can give your dad._

_My precious, amazing baby girl._

John closed the journal and they sat there in silence. After a few moments Ami climbed into her daddy's lap and put her head on his chest. She loved listening to his heartbeat, it reassured her her daddy was strong and wouldn't be leaving her any time soon. She did the same with her brother.

John kissed his kids and they walked out to get ready for Ami's party. John sat there thinking of Carli's words. She was right. His kids were pieces of her and he would always remember how wonderful she was. How she made him laugh, challenged him, scared him, and fought him, every emotion. He'd run the gambit with her and she was worth it. How would he ever move on from a woman who was perfect? On the other hand, how much more could he take?

I thought it was over, baby  
We said our goodbyes  
But I can't go a day without your face  
Goin' through my mind

In fact, not a single minute  
Passes without you in it  
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love  
Are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby  
Let me let go  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Are you still in my soul  
Let me let go

John sat on his bed and let his heart break one more time. He let his emotions pour out of him through tears. Logic said he needed to move forward, people told him to remove her things from the house. Make a new home for him and the kids. Meet someone new. All the things he needed to do were physically impossible. How could he do that to the kids? How could he do that to himself?

Let me let go, baby  
Let me let go  
It just isn't right  
I've been two thousand miles  
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you  
I just gotta know, yeah  
If this is for the best  
Why are you still in my heart  
Are you still in my soul  
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'  
But they don't hold no fascination for me  
I try to find the bright side, baby  
But everywhere I look  
Everywhere I turn  
You're all I see 

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Song courtesy of Faith Hill


	2. Chapter 2

**SEQUEL TO HARD TO HOLD – I FORGOT TO MENTION IN THE FIRST CHAPTER ITS NOT NECESSARY TO READ HARD TO HOLD TO READ THIS, BUT IT MAY HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND THE CHARACTERS.**

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CHAPTER TWO: THE START OF ANOTHER SCHOOL YEAR

"Hey, baby girl. I just dropped the kids off at school; they've been back about a month. Joe's a 9th grader and Ami's in the 6th grade. Another year gone by without you. Another school year of games and practices and recitals and concerts. Amelia's got your voice, Car; she's just got… something. If she wanted to dance and sing forever she'd make a lot of money. I could retire and she could support me." John laughed to himself as he spoke to his wife. "They're both so great; I can't believe they're my kids." John shared stories of their summer in Australia. He filmed a movie there and on his days off they toured the country and fell in love with its beauty.

The tears didn't come as often as they had the first five years; he thought he'd never recover. He still cried for his wife, just not everyday. The next five years were still painful and excruciating, but he found himself able to get out of bed each day for him and not the kids. If he didn't have them, he knew he wouldn't have survived. His heart was still broken, but it was slowly repairing itself. John definitely wasn't going to tell anyone but he'd been thinking of getting out, maybe try going on a date. He knew Carli wouldn't want him sitting at home for the rest of his life with no companionship other than the dog. The day he buried his wife was by far the worst day of his life. His first day back in the game may turn out to be the second.

"There's an open house tonight at their school." John rolled his eyes. "I'll meet Ami's science teacher. She was quite the topic of conversation at the drop off this morning. She's evidently an amazing teacher and can get the worst student to excel." He hated open house night but knew he had to go. The kids attended a private school with numerous other celebrities' children, but some how the non-business people still swarmed him. At least they were respectful. He wanted to see how they were doing, how they were behaving in class, how they were interacting with their peers. Amelia had been a little distant at home lately and he wanted to see if she was doing it at school too. Joe seemed more wrapped up in his activities and girls, John felt compelled to give him the talk a few nights ago. Joe actually knew a lot and was very knowledgeable. More than John had been at 13.

He finished his conversation and said his goodbyes in the same manner he'd done for 10 years. A few tears, kisses to her stone, the placement of her favorite flowers and a wink and a wave goodbye. During the drive home he thought of his kids and what they needed in their lives. Is it true they needed a female influence other than his mom? Did they need a mother figure? Did he need a wife? Or just a lover? He still found it hard to believe it was possible to love anyone the way he did Carli, or even come close.

After dinner they piled into the Yukon and drove to the school. He would start with Ami's teachers and work his way to Joe's. He also wanted to meet with his coaches for the year and discuss his son's future. They ran into Randy and Charlie Orton with their kids and Dave and Leila Batista with their two children. Dave and Randy were friends of John's when he was in the WWE. They still lived in the same neighborhood and got together regularly for cookouts and the kids sporting events. Randy and Charlie had a daughter, Hayden, who was Joe's age and they had a few classes together. The parents secretly hoped they would turn out to like eachother but so far nothing had come of it but a close friendship.

Joe went to talk to his coaches while John and Ami followed the procession through her classes. Ami repeatedly talked about her new science teacher. So they broke from the group and went to meet her. Ami talked animatedly about her and her background as a dancer. "She messed up her knee so she had to give up ballet. You won't believe it but she attended Julliard. Maybe she can help me, dad!" Ami was beyond excited for him to meet the new teacher. "She even has her own dance studio that I want to switch too. You'll really like her, dad. Her name's Miss Jensen." Ami looked at her father. "That's miss not misses in case you didn't catch it." He looked down at his daughter who was now displaying proudly her mother's smile. _Are you sure you're only 10?_

"Okay, Ames, I got it." _Kids_. They walked into the classroom and John wasn't expecting someone so tall. He thought ballerinas were short, not 5'10. Ami went right to her teacher and gave her a hug. John observed and thought if Ami could trust her that much, maybe she could help him find out what's been going on with her. What John didn't know was Ami had purposely been getting into trouble so she could have detention. If she got detention she could stay after school and not go home. Not go home to a place filled with her mom's memories and her own nightmares. She was getting detention so she could talk to Miss Jensen, Ami was a good judge of character and knew she could open up to her new teacher.

Amelia led her teacher over to her dad. "Miss Jensen, this is my father, John Cena. Dad, this is Miss Jensen." John put his hand out to shake hers and when Miss Jensen placed her hand in his, something strange happened. He looked down at her hands; long, slender fingers, nails well taken care of but not salon done. In an instant he felt connected to this teacher, felt drawn to her, felt comfortable. He looked into Miss Jensen's big brown eyes and jerked his hand away. Amelia rolled her eyes and patted her dad on the back.

"Um, Miss Jensen, it's nice to finally meet you. You're all Ami talks about." Somehow he managed a slight smile.

"Well thank you. It's nice to finally meet her father. She talks about you so much I fell I already know you." She giggled and John heard music. Her smile was so warm and genuine. She was like a warm fire on a cold day. Peaceful and serene.

"I hear you're a dancer." _Oh shit! That's sounds terrible_. "I mean ballet dancer." John wanted to melt into the floor. There's that giggle and smile again.

"Yes, I attended Julliard and have had a lot of conversations with your daughter about it." She reached out and touched Ami's hair. Something passed between the two that John couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Pardon me for the ignorance, but aren't you a little tall?" He asked and received another giggle. If it wasn't such a sweet sound it would be annoying.

"You're correct, sir. I was much smaller than I am now so obviously my career wouldn't have lasted as long as I dreamed." She smiled at him and then Ami. "After I 'retired' from dance, my body sky rocketed to this height." She even does the cute little finger gestures to simulate quotes.

"That's right. Ami told me you blew out your knee." John began to relax and have a normal adult conversation. He could really talk to this woman.

"Yes, torn ACL. Not a pleasant injury anyway, but to an athlete or dancer, its basically career lethal." Miss Jensen waved to some parents who were exiting the class. "So I understand you were quite the performer a few years back." She knew John was an actor, but had recently learned of his WWE career.

"I gave it up to become an actor, another type of performance art." He smiled and she noticed the dimples. "Um, Miss Jensen, do you have a minute?" Ami looked up at her dad shocked. Miss Jensen shook her head and Ami went to find her brother. "You probably don't talk about this during open house, but I was wondering if you've noticed anything out of the norm for Ami. I know she's only been your student for a month, but she's just been acting different at home lately." John looked at the floor hoping he wasn't overstepping his grounds.

"Honestly, Mr. Cena, I pride myself on being able to reach the kids who need to be reached. They know they can trust me and I only go to a parent if there's a danger. What I talked about with Ami is confidential. If I tell you she won't trust me." She felt bad for John who probably thought he was doing the right thing by his kids. "I majored in education and minored in child psychology."

"Are you saying she needs a shrink?" The look of fear on John's face broke her heart. She reached out and touched his arm.

"Not at all, I'm just saying I'm qualified to talk to her in that aspect. I have an understanding of how they work mentally and emotionally." She led John to her desk and motioned for him to sit down across from her. "Ami's having a hard time dealing with her mother's passing." She couldn't figure out how to tell John without breaking Ami's confidences. "I'm not sure how much you're aware of and how much she's afraid to tell you."

John hung his head and thought for a moment. "My son said she blames herself for her mother's death." He looked up at Miss Jensen. "I tried to talk to her about it and reassure her it's not true. Carli was sick before Amelia, Miss Jensen." His voice shook slightly and Miss Jensen caught it. She moved her tissue box towards him and stood, walking to her classroom door to close it. When she turned back she saw his shoulders shaking. It was obvious this family had yet to heal in 10 years. She sat in the chair next to his and took his hand.

"It's Emily. Please call me Emily." John looked up at her and managed some sort of smile. "Mr. Cena, Ami's brain may logically tell her it's not true, she may understand when you explain it, but her heart disagrees. All she sees is a broken dad, a sad brother and pictures all over the house of a woman she never knew." The puzzled look on John's face gave her the go ahead to continue. "She sees you and your son mourn her, she sees you and knows you visit her grave regularly, which in my opinion, is wonderful. Ami thinks if she hadn't been born her mom would still be here." John shook his head as if he'd known this.

"How do I reassure her it's not her fault? How do I express to a child that's the exact reason why I value her so much more. She's why I hang on to Carli. I want her to know how great her mom is. I want her to know how much her mom fought for her. I want her to know…" John choked on his words. "I want her to know her mom laid down her life so Amelia could be here." He stood and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry. It's still so hard for me to talk about her without breaking down."

Emily stood and went to him. She held her arms out to him and he slowly entered the circle. She held him as he cried. Rubbing his back, soothing him, holding him tight as he let it all out. After a few minutes of regaining control and yet still enveloped in her embrace, he broke from her. "You must think I'm ridiculous. I just met you and here I am sobbing like a baby."

"Actually, no. I find it amazing she still affects you like this. You must have shared an amazing bond, Mr. Cena." She led him back to the chairs and sat with him. "It shows how deeply you love her." She spoke in the present tense as John had done.

"You're surprisingly easy to talk too." He had to laugh at how silly he felt. "I apologize for burdening you with my sorrows and please call me John."

"John, I may be out of line but have you ever thought of professional help for you and your kids?" She asked delicately.

"I thought talking about Carli openly and having her things around the house would help." He answered.

"Have you spoken to them about all of her things still being in the house?" She held his hand softly. "Maybe that works for you and you think you're helping but it may be doing more harm than good." John looked at her stunned.

"What harm could come of it?" He asked almost offended.

"Look at it from Amelia's point of view. It's a daily reminder of what she caused. It's a daily reminder of the mother she'll never know. You know her and your son knows her, but she doesn't. She may feel left out." Emily tried to push without hurting him. These were things Amelia had said to her and she was trying to relay them to John without blatantly saying they were Ami's words. John sat for a few minutes and thought about it.

"Can you talk to her?" He asked and Emily shook her head. "I mean professionally. I'll pay you, of course, but she seems to trust you and…" John stood again and looked at the ceiling as if all the answers in the world were written up there. "I'm beginning to think she needs a female influence in her life other than my mom." He glanced over at her. "She wants to change to your studio. She's been with the other one for five years."

"She's more than welcome to join. She and I have spoken about it and she said you've applied to Julliard. I can help her with that. Tell you what, I have classes there tomorrow, why don't you two stop by around 5 and I'll give you the tour and show you what we offer. You can decide then if you want to pull her out and switch her." Emily smiled at him.

"Sounds good." John put his hand out to shake hers. "I am so sorry for dumping on you and if you kick her out of your class and never want to see us again I'll understand. You also don't have to offer for her to attend your dance classes if you think I'm psycho." He flashed his dimples again.

"Mr. Cena, in the half hour we've spent together I find you engaging and kind. You've shown me nothing but love and respect for not only your daughter, but your wife as well." She shook his hand and held it a bit longer. "You have wonderful qualities to pass to your children. Don't be embarrassed." She gave him her toothy grin and walked him to the door.

"Thanks for uh, talking to me." He said shyly just as Amelia walked up. Ami noticed something pass between them. Some sort of adult thing.

"Daddy, Joe's in the gym talking to about six girls. None of them are cute. Go get him out of there so we can go to dinner." Ami rolled her eyes and turned to Emily. "Miss Jensen, would you like to join us for dinner?" Ami took her hand.

"I appreciate that and I'd love too, but I already have plans." She answered.

"Is it a date?" Ami asked disappointedly. Emily laughed.

"No, not a date." She said almost ashamed.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Miss Jensen?" Ami said winking at her dad. John and Emily both laughed.

"No, young lady, I do not have a boyfriend. I am very busy and don't have a lot of free time so it's hard to have a relationship." Emily knew exactly here Ami was going, as did her father. "Thank you for asking though."

"We can work on that. We'd love to have you join us for dinner so if you change your mind we'll be in the gym." Ami said nudging her dad.

"Um, yes, we'd love to have you join us if you find a few hours in your evening tonight." He smiled at her. "Otherwise we'll see you tomorrow around 5." He tugged on his daughter's hand to get her to leave Emily alone.

"Thank you for the invitation." She waved to them. Emily went into her classroom and thought of all the pros and cons of knowing this man and his family. She adored Amelia and had spoken to Joe a few times. They truly were great children. The issue was John. He had no room in his life for another woman. He hadn't allowed himself to open up to the concept. She could be his friend. Good friend. Beneficial friend.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I must confess. To those that read H to H, this will not be the same. I plan to be strictly fluffy with this story, nice and romantic. A little John angst, but not the drama from the 1st story. Of course plans can change, but that's the plan for now. It will be a short story as I tend to get stuck trying long ones!

Thanks for reading!

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CHAPTER THREE: WHAT DO I DO NOW?

"Hey, baby girl. I know it's not my usual visit time, but I need to talk." John bowed his head into his hands and rubbed his face. "I switched Ami's ballet classes to Emily's school. Next year she starts at the performing arts academy and Emily helped us get in." John felt like he was asking permission to date someone. In a way, he was. "I really like her, Car. There's something about her that pulls at me, I can't describe it." John leaned back against her stone and crossed his legs. He always sat on the ground next to her when he visited; he found it creepy to sit directly over her. "I was thinking of asking her to dinner, but I overheard Joey giving his friend advice and he said dinner was too much for a first date. What if you don't like her, so he suggested coffee or something to that effect. He's a smart kid, Carli; I'm not sure if I should be proud or worried."

John finished his nervous chatter and ended the conversation in his usual way; the tears, kiss, flowers, a wink and a wave. His visits did admittedly get easier with time, but this visit was hard because it was the first time he talked about another woman with her. He always could talk to Carli about anything. She never made him feel inadequate or degraded him. Even if it was the dumbest question ever, she never laughed at him. He knew he could still talk to her and she'd be his sounding board, giving him some sign if he was an idiot or if it was alright. One of his concerns was how Emily would be received by his children if things did turn in that direction. Amelia liked her as her teacher and instructor, but would she like her in a domestic role. Would Joey?

Amelia had ballet again tonight, three times a week, and John was going to ask Emily out for coffee. Maybe the ice breaker would be to take Ami along too the first time. This would also give him an idea how his daughter would feel about having another woman around. Joe had football practice until late so he could pick him up afterwards. Everything seemed perfect; all he had to do was find the courage to ask. He thought of his plan while he waited for Ami to get out of school. He stood in the 'celebrity' parent group; an unspoken collective of well known personalities who huddled together for security. The all did their common courtesy greetings and then some were instantly on their phones or Blackberries with their agents. He stood with the dads of the group and they usually talked about anything but the business; football, basketball, baseball, pro wrestling, depending on the season.

He saw Amelia walk out of the building followed by Emily. He actually felt a lurch in his chest when he registered her face. It was hard to focus on his daughter and not the lithe woman with her. "Hi, daddy." Ami said smiling up at her father. Most kids her age hid from their parents and never showed any emotion. Ami was proud of her dad and how she felt about him. So whenever she saw him she immediately hugged and kissed him.

"Hey, sweet pea, how was your day?" He asked her ready for the onslaught of details. "Hello, Miss Jensen." He flashed his dimples her way and got her toothy smile in return. They shook hands and Emily bid farewell to Ami for now. She shot John a look that spoke volumes. If anything gave him a hint as to how Emily felt about him it was the look she just displayed. Even the other fathers caught it and teased him. As far as they knew John would never date again, much less his daughter's teacher. "You ready for your dance classes?" He asked as he opened the car door for Ami. On Wednesdays she had ballet and jazz classes. She had ballet three times a week and divided her other time between, hip hop, jazz and ballroom. On Saturdays she had vocal and piano. On Tuesday and Thursday she had gymnastics, Sunday was the only day off for any of them. If John wasn't at Amelia's classes or recitals he was at Joey's games and practices. He made sure he was at as much for each child as he could.

He said goodbye to the other dads and got into his Yukon. They waited another 10 minutes for Joey before he finally walked out the door. "Will you look at that." John smirked as he watched his son walk out with Orton's daughter, Hayden. Joey had his arm around her and their faces were very close. The two teenagers stopped five feet from the car and Joey held both of Hayden's hands. Their foreheads met and he spoke to her about something profound, this was evident by the look on her face. He said something to her and John saw a few tears escape and Joey wipe them with the back of his forefinger, a very intimate maneuver. A small smile spread across the young girl's face and Joey kissed her temple. John and Randy had spoken about their kids becoming more than friends but now that he may be witnessing the blossoming relationship; he wasn't so sure it was a good idea.

Joey walked over to the passenger window and John opened it. "Dad, can we give Hay a ride home?" It was more common courtesy than anything else, but Joey knew his dad would do it. John saw Amelia roll her eyes and turn on her ipod. The teenagers got in the back and huddled together. This would require another conversation between father and son. They remained that way for most of the ride and John's heart plummeted when Joey held Hayden close to him. He had to remember they were 13 and not of legal age. This would need to slow down or Joey needed to reassure his father they were friends. He was just as protective of Orton's kids he was his own children, so did he need to tell Orton? Do parents need to talk about this stuff? Did they all need to sit down and talk?

He pulled into Orton's driveway and Joey got out with Hayden and walked her to the door. A small kiss. His son kissed a girl in front of him. This kiss was more than friends, it held emotion. John began to panic and he knew this would require a visit to see Carli. Joey hugged Hayden and walked back to the truck. She watched him and when his son got to the car he turned and they waved to eachother. He made sure Hayden got inside before climbing into the truck and acted as if nothing had happened; as if they dropped of one of his guy friends. "What?" Joey asked when he felt his dad's eyes boring into him.

"Explain." Was all John said as he pulled away from the Orton's. It was times like this he needed Carli.

"Explain what? She failed a major test in bio and was upset." John could see right through the lie and pulled to the side of the road. Joey turned and looked at his father. Joey was a terrible liar and could never look someone in the eye when telling a fib. "Alright. It's true, she did fail a test, but I like her, dad."

"How long have you liked her?" John tried to be cool about it and not freak out on his hormonal and obviously emotionally vulnerable son.

"Dad, you know she's my best friend and I can talk to her about anything." Joey looked at John and his dad shook his head. "Well, this year's been hard on her and we've actually grown closer. Our feelings grew to more than friends."

"And?" John had to admit how mature his son seemed right now, but he was 13 years old. He could only hope he wasn't the way he was at 13.

Joey looked out the window and at his feet. It took a good 30 seconds before he answered. "I love her, dad." He looked his father right in the eyes when he said it. A groan from the back broke the ice in the truck and Amelia shuddered at the thought of her brother and a girl. It was nasty to her. John shook his head and continued to drive home. Good thing it was only a few streets over because John wasn't sure he could handle the huge gorilla on the back of the elephant that was now riding with them. New topic. Okay different direction, same topic.

"So will we be enjoying the pleasure of her company everyday to and from school?" He asked and smirked at Joey. His son took a deep, relieved breath.

"I don't know. Mrs. Orton takes them to school, but Hay usually rides home with her friends." He answered. John knew there was more to the story than he was being told and he was going to find out.

"What happened to her friends today?" John hoped he sounded casual.

Another deep breath from Joey, "Today was cheerleader tryouts and Hayden already had a spot since she cheered last year. Well, the head cheerleader or whatever they're called changed schools so that left the spot open. The squad voted and Hayden was given the job." Joey dug in his backpack for something he knew wasn't there.

"So that's good, right?" John asked oblivious to girl things.

"That's what I thought too, but now she's being shut out by her friends. One of them thinks she should have been the leader and pointed out Hayden's flaws at the practice." Joey looked at his dad. "She said some mean things about Hay in front of about 50 people. None of them are true but it's the point. Now there's doubt inside the squad and you can't be a good leader if your team doubts your abilities." John pulled the truck into their driveway and turned to his son. He sounded so much older than his 13 years. He had a feeling Joey had heard that before from his own coaches.

Joey waited for the lecture he was sure he was going to get regarding his relationship with Hayden; he just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Amelia wanted out of the truck immediately and John couldn't figure out if he needed to talk to his son and if he did, what about. He thought he should talk to him but now he wasn't so sure. Joey seemed to be handling the whole thing maturely and with a level head.

Ami had to get ready for her classes so this would give John time to think things through. When they were ready to leave John checked on his son and Joey was doing his school work. He told him when they'd be back and if it changed he'd call. John's parents were on the grounds so this was a small consolation to him regarding his son being home alone until the Orton's picked him up for practice. He and Amelia drove in silence to the dance studio and John was obviously distracted when they walked into class. Emily noticed this as John usually said hello to her and this time he ignored her. She watched John throughout the class and he was blatantly thinking of something other than his daughter.

After class Ami had asked Emily to go out with them. John always took her somewhere after classes and it was time for them to be together as father and daughter. John didn't mind the invite since it would help him not only with Joey but the next step of asking her out on his own. Emily accepted and they'd agreed on a coffee shop that sold juices and various baked goods. Emily rode with them to the coffee shop and this gave John a chance to get to know her personally. They talked about her family and the small town she grew up in, her eventual move to New York City and her desires and dreams to be on Broadway.

She asked about John's family and he told her about his childhood, college and rise through the WWE. He talked about making movies, what awards shows were really like and answered any question she had. They both avoided talking about Carli and John didn't want to travel down that tearful path again with her. He already was completely embarrassed and forever would be for breaking down in front of her when they first met. Once inside the coffee shop and settling into a booth, Ami focused on her ipod and Blackberry while John and Emily continued getting to know eachother. They talked of places they'd been and where they'd like to go. He eventually brought up his situation with Joey and she offered him advice.

"I was wondering why you were so distracted during class today." She said when John told her what he saw this afternoon. "I wouldn't be worried about it. It sounds like you have a smart and caring son who is standing by and giving support to his friend." John gave her a look that made her giggle. "Okay, maybe his new girlfriend, but they don't sound like hormonal teenagers." She reached across and took John's hands in hers. Ami looked up at them both and turned off her ipod. John's reaction was bittersweet. He hadn't touched or been touched in this manner in 10 years. He liked the intimacy of it but was frightened. "I have Hayden in my zoology class and she's had a rough year so far. I don't know all the details of what's going on with her, but she seems to be under a lot of pressure."

John didn't think there was anything going on in the Orton household, Randy would tell him if it were something big. "Do you think its just girl stuff?" He asked.

"From what I've seen its all school related. Probably peer pressure." Emily responded and released his hands. They both looked at the place where their hands had been and felt a longing to touch again. Ami went back to her ipod unsure how she now felt. Yes, she loved Miss Jensen and thought she was a good match for her dad, but seeing their relationship take another step was weird.

They wrapped things up and John drove Emily back to the dance studio. He watched her get into her car, start it and drive off before pulling away himself. He felt Ami's eyes boring into the back of his head and asked her what was up. Amelia didn't want to tell her dad about her sudden mixed feelings so she asked about Joey and Hayden. She didn't really want to know and John knew this but he amused her and didn't ask if she was uncomfortable with his budding friendship with Emily. They could talk about that another time. For now, he would get 15 minutes of quality time with his daughter before picking up Joey and the Orton boys at football practice.


	4. Chapter 4

**I DISCLAIM - **CHAPTER FOUR: REMEMBERING CARLI

"Hey, baby girl. It's been awhile since I've visited, three months, six days and 10 hours to be exact." John said as he sat next to his wife's grave. He took a deep breath of the fresh spring air and ran his hands over his freshly shaved head. "I uh…I've been meeting Emily now for awhile now and I really like her. We've met for coffee a few times, gone out for drinks, to movies and had late night dinners at her place. It's moving slowly because I have no idea what I'm doing. She's uh…she's the opposite of you, Car. She's conservative and cautious and not an adrenaline junkie in the least." John chuckled as he remembered his first time rock climbing with Carli. She scaled the mountain with ease and had impressed him with her strength and agility. She had laughed at him several times because he had been, what he called 'nervous', a few times on the mountain.

John had watched as Carli climbed the mountain using her arms, barely using her legs at all. How at ease and comfortable in that setting, how free she looked as she sat at the top watching him. He thought back to those times and smiled as tears fell down his cheeks. His whole world had revolved around this one woman for so long he wondered if he could share a new beginning with Emily. He talked to Carli about it and wished there were some way she could signal him. He was going from one end of the spectrum to the other. Carolina Cena was a woman who did things her way, who lived life on the edge, who dared to be challenged. Emily Jensen, however, was a mild mannered, soft spoken, reserved Republican woman whose biggest rebellion was going to school for dance and not medicine.

He finished his conversation and said his goodbyes in the same manner he'd done for 10 years. A few less tears, kisses to her stone, laying the daisies against the stone and a wink and a wave goodbye. He'd often shared with his mom that those visits with Carli were like therapy for him. He needed to be there, needed to still feel her. Carol thought it was working the other way. Visiting Carli still so much after 10 years may be more harmful than helpful. His continued hold on his dead wife may hinder him from a healthy new relationship. He still never referred to himself as a widow, his wife had passed, and she would always be his wife in his eyes. The wedding band still prominently on his hand.

Emily and John had become fast friends and relied upon eachother in various aspects of their lives. He began to include her in his film making decisions and she began including him in all her choices. This was the only thing still kept as a secret was their relationship. His parents knew about Emily but not his children or his friends. They talked about it often and Emily didn't think John should hide her from Joey and Amelia. John liked their life together and wasn't sure if he was ready to tell his children or anyone else. It was a constant discussion as they navigated through each day. John was afraid of the devastation to his children if they became too attached to Emily and things didn't work out. He was also, subconsciously, afraid of repeating history.

Emily had noticed on several occasions John's overprotectiveness of her. He would overreact to something so small and had even suggested the emergency room when she burned her finger pulling dinner out of the oven. She had accidentally touched the rack with her knuckle and no blister formed, but John was beside himself with worry. She lay awake that night wondering when he'd get over those feelings that something bad would happen to the woman in his life, or would it always be there. She knew she handled it perfectly and managed to calm John down but if he reacted like that to a small burn, how would he react to other situations.

Late one night as Joey was sneaking out of the house he heard his dad calling for his mom. He pressed his ear to the bedroom door and heard John talking to Carli as if she were in the room. He lightly knocked and saw his dad in bed sleeping. He was tossing and turning calling for her, his voice filled with fear. Joey watched his dad and listened to what he was saying. _My mom shot someone?_ He didn't know what to think about his dad's obvious nightmare. He didn't know if he should wake him. Until John relived the day Carli had died. It scared Joey, scared him more than anything he'd ever experienced. He sat on the floor at the side of the bed and let tears fall down his face. He heard the pain in his dad's voice, he could actually hear his father's heart breaking.

Joey put his hand on his dad's arm and gave him a little shake. John sat straight up gasping for air. "Carli? Baby?" He asked as he scanned the bedroom, about ready to jump out of bed to look for her.

"No, dad. Its just me." He sat and watched his dad's confused expression as reality took over for the dream. He thought his dad was going to hyperventilate as he began breathing heavily. John laid back and Joey could see his father's body shaking. It wasn't long before John couldn't sob in silence any longer and Joey fought his own emotions. "Dad?" Joey said with a shaky voice. "Tell me about her." John lay there for a minute gathering himself. He began thinking back to his life with Carli.

He sat up, "She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. We met in the airport on the way to Paul and Steph's wedding. I was new in the WWE and she was just a gorgeous woman in the airport. I wondered how in the hell I'd ever find her to talk to her. Your Uncle Randy lost her to me. She already knew all about him and his ways." John laughed as he thought back to Carli teasing Randy. "I was in the gym working out with Dave and Randy and there she was! In the same hotel! I couldn't believe my luck. We talked for awhile and then I was shocked when she was at the rehearsal dinner." John's mind instantly went to their first time together and no matter how exhilarating it had been and how much John gained from those moments, those were best kept to himself and not shared with his teenage son about his mother.

"Your mom could sing like no other. She had such emotion and depth it was just incredible to listen too." Joey could see the love in his dad's eyes and it was then he realized his dad would never love someone the way he loved his mom. It warmed him but made him sad also.

"Do you have anything with her singing?" He asked and cleared his throat when his voice still cracked.

"I just might. If I don't I'm sure your Aunt Stephanie will." John sat there thinking and he could still hear her voice.

"Tell me more, dad."

"Let's go downstairs and get something to eat and we'll talk all about her." John got out of bed and they both quietly went to the kitchen. John made them sandwiches and they sat at the breakfast bar, eating in silence at first.

"The day I married her was the best day of my life. Then she told me we'd be having a baby and that became the best day of my life. When you were born I marveled at the perfection of this little baby boy who looked like his mom. You were a gorgeous baby and the highlight of everyone around you. Vince and Linda doted on you and Steph and Paul thought you hung the moon. You could do no wrong. Vince and Linda would beg your mom to let them take you anywhere, but she would not hear of it. You went everywhere with your mom. If she wasn't going you weren't going and if you couldn't go, then she wouldn't either." John chuckled at the many times Carli refused to go somewhere because Joey wasn't allowed. She had given up the band because he wasn't allowed in the club.

"She gave her life for you and your sister. There's no greater gift, son. No greater love than a mother for her children." John's voice cracked and he took another bite of his sandwich to gain control of his emotions. "She loved anything that got her adrenaline pumping. She would sky dive, parasail, rock climb, hike up mountains, surf in ridiculous waves, she just took full advantage of the time she had here."

"Did mom shoot someone? I heard you say she killed a man." Joey asked tentatively. John hesitated and it answered Joe's question.

"Yes, she did. I'm not giving you any details because you're too young and I don't want you to think of your mother in any different light than the one you do now." John was looking in Joe's eyes with such conviction and power it was almost scary. "A man did very bad things to your mother before I met her and she finally got her revenge." John got up and went to the family room. He rifled through the dvds and found one of Carli. He played it hoping it wasn't too provocative. Joey joined his dad on the couch and they watched. He saw from the corner of his eye Joey wiping tears before they fell.

"She's so beautiful." He whispered. "Ami looks just like her."

"Yeah." Was all John could manage to say. They sat in silence watching the video, both wiping tears. Amelia came down stairs and sat in her dad's lap. Soon they were joined by Carol and John, his parents. They were up all night watching videos of Carli. Videos of her and her band, all her daredevil stunts, Joey's birthdays and finally a video left to Ami by her mom. They all cried and laughed with each dvd, remembering all the could, absorbing all the memories their brains could handle. Joe asked his grandparents what they remembered about his mom and it was funny and heartwarming to hear her from their perspective.

As the sun rose, they all went to bed. Smiling. It was exactly what John needed. Maybe that was the sign he'd been looking for for 10 years. The okay to let Carli go, let himself move forward with life. John called Emily when he woke and shared the previous evening's foray into Carlidom. She could tell it was a positive step for John and wanted to speak with Ami the next day at school. She was hoping this was the break the family needed. The closure sought by the children of an amazing woman.


End file.
